I know that this is not the purpose of this blog, but it is a frustration born of my geeky need to stay connected to the Internet and have access to view the shows I want to see.

After a very frustrating hour on the phone with Mark, then Carlos, Mark’s supervisor, I’m no closer to understanding your magic math that makes $15.95 = $23.90.

I’m moving and taking on a roommate. I currently have a double play package for cable and internet for $79.99. In my new apartment, where I am transferring my account, I would like to take advantage of the triple play package that fits me best, which is $99.99 per month.

I currently have a digital cable box. I do not pay anything for it as it is included in my package.

For my new service, I would also not pay anything for this digital cable box, as it is included in the NEW package as well. I asked Mark how much it would cost me to add a DVR cable box for my roommate. He quoted me $15.95. That’s fine, about what I expected to pay. Everything was going smoothly. We settled on an install date and he informed me that the cable install would be free since it’s a transfer (YAY!), but that I would still have to pay a $75 install fee for the Internet and Phone service. *sigh* Fine, I can deal. Still cheaper than new service.

So, at the end of the order, Mark runs through what my monthly bill will be, as he is supposed to. I will interject here and say that Mark was fantastic. I work in Call Center Technologies so I know a good CSR when I hear one.

Mark: $99.99 for the Triple Play
Me: Check
Mark: $5.00 for your internet equipment lease
Me: Yup, got it
Mark: $15.95 for the DVR box
Me: Totally. On board.
Mark: various taxes and fees for TV and phone service
Me: Completely expected, I’m with you.
Mark: $7.95 for the Digital box
Me: Whoa. Wait a minute!!!

So, he explained to me that adding an advanced feature box to my plan makes THAT box my primary and so the digital box that I currently have becomes secondary and now requires me to pay for it.
I asked to speak with his supervisor and reach Carlos. In this conversation with Carlos, I learned that it is simply standard Comcast customer service to create disincentives for me to want to purchase more products from you.

See, the package I want installed includes:
Digital Starter Cable Package
Digital Tuner Box (for On-Demand etc)
Digital Telephone Service
Cable Internet

All for the very reasonable and even attractive price of $99.99

I want to add a Comcast product that costs $15.95 to this package, resulting in one Digital Tuner Box and one Tuner with DVR. Reason states that my new total would be $115.94, plus everything else up there. I’m fine with that. That is totally what I’m wanting. Value paid for value received. However, that’s not what I’ll be paying. See, Comcast has rigged the game. I am now expected to pay $7.95 extra for a product and service that is included for free today. Carlos explained to me, during the hour the poor chap had to listen to my pleas for explanation, that once an advance box is added to the service, I forfeit the Digital box that is included with my package. In order to have the Digital box that I get for free as part of the package today, I now have to pay $7.95 for the unit price of that digital box. Now, my package price is not being reduced by $7.95, of course. It’s still $99.99. I would completely understand this if I were choosing to forgo my digital box in favor of a more advanced featured box like a DVR or HD tuner. That makes sense. I have made a choice not to partake in a part of the service I have been offered, in favor of a premium.

Restated, if I were to only have the DVR tuner and NOT a Digital box on my service, I would expect to pay the $115.94 that Comcast would charge me because I have chosen to give up the lesser free item, in favor of the premium one, the unit price of which is $15.95.

If I wanted to only add the DVR box to the full package that I have been offered for $99.99, I would ALSO expect to pay $115.94, but, in actuality, I must pay $123.89 because Comcast has now decided that something that was free in a package price must now be paid as a separate unit.

However, if I only wanted to add another Digital tuner box to the one that I already have, resulting in two, I would only pay $7.95 more per month ($107.94). I would NOT have to pay for BOTH Digital boxes because the first is included in the package!

It is the same as this scenario:

McComcast: Welcome to McComcast! may I take your order?
Me: Yes, I’d like a Quarter Burger with Cheese value meal.
McComcast: That will be $4
Me: I’d like to add a Big Com. How much is a Big Mac?
McComcast: A Big Mac costs $2.50.
Me: Cool. One Quarter Burger with Cheese Meal and one Big Com.
McComcast: That will be $8, sir.
Me: But $4 and $2.50 = $6.50. Where do you get $8?
McComcast: Well, the Big Com is a more advanced sandwich that the Quarter Burger, so it becomes your primary burger. You pay the package price of $4 for the value meal, and then you add the cost of the Big Com, and then you add $1.50 for the Quarter Burger, which is now your secondary burger.
Me: Soooo … Since I want to purchase MORE of your service and products, and I’m willing to pay the price you quoted me, $2.50, you have decided that I’m not paying you enough “more” and want to create ill-will and destroy incentive to buy more of your products?
McComcast: Yes.
Me: What if I just wanted another Quarter Burger?
McComcast: Oh, well, since that is not an advanced sandwich, you would only pay an extra $1.50 for the second Quarter Burger – a total of $5.50.
Me: Why? How does that make sense?
McComcast: Because that’s the way it’s always been done. (which is what Carlos told me)

By making the DVR box the primary, Comcast has not reduced the package price by $7.95, nor is the FIRST DVR box a lower or discounted price than any subsequent DVR box, so there’s no benefit there. It’s all one big scheme to squeeze another $100/year per customer out of their install base.

I don’t believe I’m the only person who has ever complained about this. I’ve been a Comcast customer for over 10 years (although some of that time was under my ex-wife’s name), and this is the first time I’ve truly felt ill-treated by Comcast. I feel that this policy is unjust and, frankly unethical. What’s truly wonderful is that, in my living situation, Comcast is my only choice for subscription television and Internet, leaving me with little choice but to take my position on the proctology table so that you can extract every last cent you can from my wallet.

I know it is only $8/month, but the principle of it drives me crazy. Either the Digital converter is a value-add, in which case it is part of the package, or it is charged by the unit price, which means the package should be reduced by $7.95/month.

This does not give me any faith in your treatment of your customers.

I’ll be updating the post throughout the day, and please add others you find in the comments or, if you’re a writer here, feel free to edit the post yourself.

Big Players

Google can always be relied on to come up with a good one. This year has a full running theme. Google created CADIE, the Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entit, basically an AI that they let have access to the Internet. She very quickly created her own Blogger blog, Youtube Channel and Google Earth presence. In addition, she now enables Google to provide all kinds of AI-assisted services like GMail AutoPilot (including gChat), Google Docs making lazing your way through that dreaded project all the easier, see the Ocean Floor, and See your favorite websites in 3D (I’m astounded that the Real-Time Anaglyph actually works, and me without my 3D glasses – The ones I printed out seem to be defective). Very well done, Google. Well Done Indeed! I may have missed some of their other, smaller Lab tools. If I find more, I’ll update. UPDATE: I didn’t see this one because I’m not a code monkey: Cadie will help you write your code, although she has a startling predliction for INTERCAL. It’s worth your time to read through the source code and the INTERCAL style guide. Also, she has kindly added Auto-RedEye technology to Picasa. That CADIE sure is helpful! Nothing on Orkut though. Am I missing any more Google products?

UPDATE: CADIE has been updating various bits of Google all day. She got Google Books where she picked out some good ones, Google Knowledge which she took over and only allowed articles on AI and neural nets, and Google Images.  CADIE can also help you remember anything you’ve forgotten with a simple Google Mobile app. Sadly, it seems the world is just not ready for CADIE (numbers don’t lie). She said Goodbye tonight at about 7:00. Her brief but sweet blog tells her whole story. Goodbye CADIE we’ll miss you. (Full CADIEness can be found at Wikipedia, of course).

Fark, ever a leader in Web Snarkery, has a new interface called the New Fark Experience. It’s really a breathtaking sight to behold. Of course, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so nice of Reddit (Reddigg, rather?) to be one Bold, Web2.0 Iteration behind.

Every year, Thinkgeek comes out with new April 1 products that are at the very least funny, but there’s always at least one that I really want them to find a way to make. This year, it is the Tauntaun sleeping bag. Not only do I want it to be real, I want it in ADULT size! Of course, there would need to be a two-person version so you can dutch oven your mate and make the obligatory “I thought they smelled bad on the OUTSIDE!” joke. The Squeez Bacon, on the other hand, frankly frightens the pants off me! And panstless me probably will make you want a Unicorn Chaser.

I’m still not sure that the new Facebook isn’t some elaborate early-deployment April Fool’s Day gag.

I’m peeved that I missed out on woot.com‘s Random Bag of Crap today though. Ah, well, I’m sure I couldn’t have afforded the shipping.

I don’t know how I forgot to look at YouTube before I made the first post. They have a new layout! FYI, I picked the video from the main page because, even viewed normally it is freaky as hell and it is NOT improved by the new layout. Trippy man … Better than being RickRoll’d on every front page video.

Webcomics

Unfortunate news for all those fans who hoped to see Starslip‘s Kris Straub at Emerald City ComicCon this year. Damn that MarconiCon!

Jenn Dolari at Closetspace and A Wish for Wings gave her homepage of dolari.net a much-needed makeover.

David Willis has ended ShortPacked and is relaunching Roomies, his original strip.

Bloggers

After months of lambasting Glenn Beck for his histrionics, Moxie declares she’ll be appearing on his show tonight to make amends. The Snark is strong with this one.

The Bad Astronomer passes along a new series of pics from the Martian Rovers. I hope the line isn’t too long. The ride looks like it is worth it, though.

NASA‘s Astronomy Pic of the Day sort of qualifies, if only for the caption.

The Consumerist has a new reader-attraction scheme. Cats and Cake, baby!

LifeHacker finally solves the problem of short URLS.

I guess this now fits under the Blogger header. The London Guardian is switching to a Twitter-only format!

Others

Don’t forget to get your new copy of Nine Inch Nails‘ new album, Strobe Light (epileptics should not click this link).

Wizards of the Coast is usually pretty decent for 4/1. Today’s D&D gag seems a little too inside baseball. The MTG gag (amongst a few small ones on the main page) pales in comparison to last year’s Pirates Vs. Ninjas Announcement.

Tired of your dog always bugging you for his turn on the computer? Toshiba has come to your rescue!

Tor.com has the latest news on the saddest geek-happening in days. And he was JUST starting to hit his stride too. CURSE YOU FOX!

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for is here: GROUNDHOG DAY THE MUSICAL!

BMW has a new innovation in energy efficiency. Be efficient while the other guy expends his energy!

That’s all I’ve got so far. Check your RSS feeds or this post for more as I find them.

I love April Fool’s Day. It’s just fun seeing clever people put forth a lot of effort for no other reason than my enjoyment. Eric Burns-White of Websnark has more to say.

Hope you all enjoyed April 1st as much as I did!

I must say, seeing the prequels actually adds more pathos to Luke’s conversations with Obi-Wan about Anakin and with Vader in the hallway about the conflict within him. “It is too late for me, my son” rings more emotionally true than before.

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It’s a TRAP!!!

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Are “There’s too many of them” dude’s goggles made out of pink acetate?

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Biggest glass jaws in all of sci-fi? Storm Troopers. One laser blast on their armor, one smack from an ewok (AN EWOK!), one rock to the helmet (seriously, what’s the point of this “armor?”) and they’re down for the count.

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I have witnessed the firepower of this fully armed and operational battle station!!!!

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O Noes! Chewbacca did NOT make the Tarzan call when swinging at the Chicken Walker with Ewoks hanging from him! He did? Oh, dear! (Lana: “He’s either Chewzan or Tarbacca! And he’s like a HUGE Ewok!”)

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Han (futzing with the door): “I got it, I got it”)
[Door closes}
Lois: “I don’t got it”

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And like a PIMP, she says “I know”

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Vader: “Obi-Wan has taught you well”
Lana: “He ALWAYS says that”
Lois: “Cuz Obi-Wan has taught him WELL!”
Me: “Doesn’t Yoda get any credit?”

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Aaand another Skywalker loses a light saber hand. At least this one was already mechanical. I wonder, since Luke looks at his hand and then at Vader’s stump before spurning the Emperor, if there is an academic paper to be written on how the entire Vader character arc turns on the anguish and inhumanity of being behanded. Does Anakin’s fall begin when he loses an arm in the fight against Dooku? Is it cemented when he loses the remaining arm and both legs in the fight against Kenobi? Does his redemption begin when he removes his son’s hand? Is that cemented when his son returns the favor and brings back the emotions he felt when he lost it the first time? Could I get a doctorate based on this?

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Lois has been holding on to me tightly since the final confrontation with the Emperor. Then Vader grabs him from behind.
Lois: “I like this part.”

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Lois: “Dad, did you know the Millenium Falcon has headlights?”
Me: “No, I didn’t.”
Lois: “It does, I’ve seen them.”

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I’ve always found the reveal of Anakin’s face from the Vader helmet to be kind of a let-down. He seems too much of a schlub to have been badass Vader.

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Death Star II’s Main Power Core and Master Control Program’s Core, separated at birth? Discuss.

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Death Star blows up, millions killed. Celebration on Endor is a fantasy. Read the Real Truth! Galactic Republic Senate investigations will begin soon. Read more here

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I really miss the old Yub Nub song.

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Since Anakin was redeemed as an old man, WHY would Lucas replace the old man ghost with Hayden Christianson’s ghost?

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I really, REALLY miss the old Yub Nub song.

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This has been a wonderful Geek Family weekend. I loved sharing these experiences with my kids. Now to figure out how to get them into Star Trek. I don’t own any of the series, and only the NextGen movies. Maybe they need a few years to be ready for all of it? That would give me time to acquire them all. What’s funny is that I’ve always been a Star Trekite, but thanks to Lucas’ epic high roll in “Merchandising” and “Brand Tie-in” I have raised a couple of Star Warsians. Ah well.

Both girls loved the Star Wars-a-thon.

The wife and I are expecting our first geekling to hatch sometime around Valentine’s Day.  I’m really excited to become a father, and I don’t share any of the worries that others have expressed about raising a geek.  In fact, I think I might encourage the little one to be a geek – let me explain:

To me, a “geek” is someone who is so passionate about something that they know intimate details and facts that most people wouldn’t bother learning.  I’m a geek about many, many things, and I don’t see it as a bad thing.  If you’re going to do something, give it your all, right?  If our geekling expresses desire in anything, I’d be remiss to not encourage them, right?

Lois and I did our usual morning routine of dropping Lana off at school, and then return home.  We have two different ways of going home – today we took the highway.  As we neared our exit, we hit some morning rush hour traffic.  It wasn’t much, just enough to slow things down a bit.  Lois suggested we get into another lane with less traffic.  Her timing was impeccable, as that was the same moment our lane to get off the highway appeared. I veer over and she cheers due to less traffic.  But we were not the only ones wanting to get off the highway, and other cars veer over – causing the flow of traffic to slow once more.  Lois boos and states: “Why is it that every time we are in traffic, the lane we move into is suddenly the slow lane?”