Pop @!#&$(!-ing Culture Exposure

So, like all responsible parents, Bat-Mom and I have done our level best to carefully monitor the media that Lana (newly 7 WHOLE YEARS OLD!!!!) and Lois (who is adjusting quite nicely to being 5) are exposed to. This means that:

• we don’t let them surf  the internet alone (they have their own folder of bookmarks to which they are allowed to navigate unsupervised, but all searches and queries are done by mom and dad who then read the wikipedia article or whatever with them)
• they don’t watch movies that we haven’t seen first or that we aren’t sure about the language and subject matter content.
• we don’t swear where they can hear (our words are a medium as well, and if you don’t believe that it is the most powerful medium they will ever be exposed to, you are dead wrong) and we strongly discourage our friends from doing so as well – Grandpas can’t be helped, they are a breed unto themselves.
• they don’t play video games that we haven’t vetted
• they don’t have a lot of time unsupervised with the tv, and in fact, they don’t have the knowledge and skillset to navigate the wide wide world of cable tv on their own – with the possible exception of On-Demand, where they also have a set of proscribed options to choose from.

I know all of this makes Bat-Mom and I sound like over-protective parents. We would disagree. We create clear boundaries for our girls and then give them a great deal of freedom within those boundaries. Included in that freedom are plenty of options for getting themselves mildly injured, testing their own personal limits and opportunity for spectacular failure – all VERY necessary aspects of childhood.

And I think that, using this philosophy, we have two pretty well-adjusted, intelligent and happy kids.

In fact, I have never heard Lana utter a stronger curse than “dang!” and Lois has only once said “dammit,” but tentatively, and at a dinner conversation where Lana was trying to remember her class’s “Word of the Week.” She remembered that it began with D, ended with “-ght” and the “gh” was silent and meant “frustrated or angry.” Lois ventured “da … dammit?” which, ignoring the spelling aspect, was a pretty good guess actually (the word was “distraught”). To her credit, Lois had a look on her face that indicated she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to say this unfamiliar word. We then had a conversation about “grandpa-words” and how some words are ok for grown-ups, but shouldn’t be said by or around little kids. They understood that, but I didn’t give them a list of the bad-words. Best not to encourage through discouragement!

So, now, I think we might have done our job a little too well.

I’ve been thinking about my own childhood, surrounded by adults who all cursed like sailors, regardless of the age of their audience. I learned quickly that there were words that grown-ups could say that I couldn’t unless I really savored the flavor of Dawn. My family did not closely monitor the TV I watched and my brother and I ranged from the USA Cartoon Express all the way to the newest releases on Home Box Office. I remember seeing James Bond flicks before Kindergarten age, watching Poltergeist on the couch (and watching the fried chicken scene between my stubby little finger) when I was 5 with the only concession to the worst scenes being told to turn around on the couch and being allowed to turn back to the TV when the grown-ups said it was over. I know Bat-Mom was introduced to and explored the world of schlock B-Movie horror at a fairly young age. I had free reign over the cable remote at the same age my kids are now, and we had, as I said, HBO.

So now my kids are older than I was when I saw my first R-rated movie, and, even though PG-13 didn’t exist at the time, I certainly wasn’t 13 when I saw qualifying movies. In fact, the first film I saw in the theaters was Goonies (rated PG at the time, but now bearing a TV-14 rating for television) and I was ALMOST 7. My family didn’t see anything wrong with me watching this movie with my older cousins, but I don’t think I would feel comfortable with my girls watching it (even though my older daughter is older than I was at the time) for the language if nothing else, but also due to the really mild sexuality and violence. My younger brother is roughly distance behind me in age as Lana and Lois are and I know for darn sure I spoilt his young brain with the shows I felt ok watching.

I’m afraid we may have sheltered our kids. It isn’t too late, of course, but they are sheltered nonetheless. I think we may have fallen into the same parenting trap (Out, Out, Damn Haley Mills!) that we have chuckled at others for doing, but in slightly different fashion. So many parents bubble-wrap their children, never allowing them to get hurt, to test their physical limits, to push their boundaries and experiences. They innoculate them against life and, in the name of safety, deny them liberty. We have tried hard not to do that, but I fear we may have bubble-wrapped our children against vulgarity and coarseness. The strongest violence they have seen has been The Princess Bride and the original Star Wars trilogy, both of which are a little over the top and sanitized.

I tried once, to share Spaceballs with the girls, since they so love Star Wars. It was one of my childhood favorites, and I thought they’d love it too. Unfortunately, I had grown a little too accustomed to the sanitized WGN-version of the movie and forgot all the language. We got about 10 minutes in and I had to turn it off. Even Short Circuit, another childhood favorite (and one I’m SURE the girls would love in this age of WALL-E) only got one screening because I forgot that the S-word shows up a couple of times. And, while a couple of times doesn’t seem like much, they really jump glaringly to the forefront of attention when the girls have been so thoroughly insulated from exposure.

I think I’m a little afraid that we’ve turned our girls into the boy in the bubble and that what most would consider mild exposure to vulgarity and violence (aside from cartoony video game violence) would sort of ravage their under-developed immune system. They don’t have any systems in place to sort of mindlessly process these kinds of things. I’m a little afraid that the first time one of their friends drops the F-bomb or throws a well-timed S-word out that they’ll be so scandalized that they will be made fun of for being a goody-two-shoes or won’t properly understand the severity of the language and will cavalierly incorporate it into their own speech at a very inappropriate time.

I guess I could have worse concerns, but I want to share what I consider pop-culture staples with my girls, but I don’t even know where to start. I want them to see:

• Back to the Future – is this too steeped in the 80s to get?
• Goonies – language, mild sexuality, the blender scene with Chunk
• Indiana Jones – not Temple of Doom … I’m not sure I want to watch someone’s still-beating heart ripped from his chest, let alone show the girls
• the new Star Wars trilogy – a little dark, but we have Lego Star Wars to ease the transition, they just haven’t finished playing the new trilogy levels yet.
• Short Circuit – really, just the language
• Pretty much any 80′s screwball comedy (I LOVED Meatballs II when I was a kid) – they are just not equipped to process them, and really they are too young anyway
• Space Camp – Lana LOVES space and Lois caught the bug from her, but I don’t remember the language.
• Little Monsters – I don’t really know if this is too scary or not, nor do I know about the language level.
• Star Trek – Language is a non-issue (except I think Data once says the S-word), but I’m just not sure if the story isn’t too far above their heads. Is this something I should just have on and let them enjoy or not enjoy as they see fit or should I introduce it deliberately? If deliberately, how? Chronoligically? At random? Pre-vetted and pre-selected to excise scary (I don’t like this option)?
• Terminator? No way! Definitely a couple years on this one
• Aliens … Predator … see above

I know Bat-Mom looks forward to sharing her love of scary movies with them, but I’m not sure if, even given a couple of years, they will be able to process it. Although, they do LOVE roller coasters, so maybe that joy of thrills will be enough to launch that rocket.

However, they have seen and fallen in love with, Fraggle Rock. Down in Fraggle Rock!

How are the rest of you handling this – especially since yours are all younger and it’s not “too late” for you?